


day four

by NalgeneWhore



Series: Femslash February 2021 [4]
Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Femslash February, Gaslighting, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lesbian!Elorcan, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29208591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NalgeneWhore/pseuds/NalgeneWhore
Summary: TW: Mentions of PTSD, Implied Child Abuse/Abuse, Gaslighting
Relationships: Fem!Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre
Series: Femslash February 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2136669





	day four

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Mentions of PTSD, Implied Child Abuse/Abuse, Gaslighting

It’s so late. She’s exhausted after being on her feet for fourteen hours. 

Elide wants two things. 

One: The hottest, longest shower she’s ever had. 

Two: The piece of chocolate cake she bought, but hasn’t had the time to eat yet. 

As she drives home from the hospital, she nearly falls asleep at the wheel. Elide snaps her eyes open and sits up straighter. Opening her window, she hopes that the bitter winter wind will encourage her body to stay alert. 

It works well, and she starts to shiver, her teeth chattering lightly. She keeps the window open still. 

At a red light, her phone starts to ring. It’s in her bag, on the passenger seat, and Elide ignores it. The important people in her life text when they need something and she’s driving anyway. 

Her apartment building isn’t far from work, so she’s home shortly. After she parks in her unit’s assigned spot, her phone rings again. Elide reaches over and fishes it out. When she sees her girlfriend’s contact, she smiles and happily accepts the call. “Hey, you. I’m happy you called.” 

_“Hi, love,”_ Lorcan says, her voice distant and shaky. _“Are you at work?”_

“No,” Elide frowns at Lorcan’s voice, worried. “I just got home. Are you alright, Lor? You sound upset.” 

It takes a couple seconds for Lorcan to reply. _“I’m- I… can you come over? I- I just really want to see you.”_

Immediately, Elide re-clips her seat belt. “Of course. I’ll be there soon, honey. Do you want me to stay on the line?” She waits with wavering patience, trying to force calmness for her obviously distressed girlfriend. 

_“Yes,”_ Lorcan all but confesses, like she’s ashamed to have needs, _“please.”_

“Good. I missed you today,” Elide puts the phone on speaker and places it in the centre console’s cup holder. “And last night.” She fakes a pout, “It’s so cold without you.” 

Lorcan chuckles, the sound forced and choked, _“Yeah, ‘m sorry I couldn’t be ya personal furnace, princess.”_

Elide smoothly changes lanes, “You should be. Anyway, I’m glad you called. I showered at work and was probably going to crash the minute I got home.” There comes another red light and Elide stops in the left turn lane. “Work wasn’t too busy, just so gods-damned long. I had rounds at five AM, hon, but I got to scrub in on a femur repair today.” 

Both of the women know that Elide’s chatter is so that Lorcan can be distracted. Lorcan makes minimal comments and mostly communicates in monotonous hums. 

Elide parks in front of Lorcan’s building and picks her phone up, taking it off speaker. She holds it to her ear, “I’m here, Lorcan. Buzz me in?” 

_“Yeah. I’ll see you soon.”_

“I love you,” Elide says, biting her bottom lip. 

Lorcan’s voice is soft and warm, _“I love you, Lee.”_

They both hang up and Elide gets out of her old Ford Explorer. She walks to the lobby and presses the button next to Lorcan’s unit number. 

_“‘llo.”_

“It’s me, Salvaterre.” The locked doors buzz open. “Thank you, honey.” Their friends don’t understand how Elide can call her six-foot-seven girlfriend ‘honey’ but it just fits, and Lorcan melts when Elide calls her such. 

Elide pulls the door open and walks to the elevator. Lorcan’s building is relatively new, so the ride is short and smooth. Elide steps out on the thirteenth floor and goes down the hall to Lorcan’s apartment. Knocking on the door, Elide waits on the doormat in relative calmness. 

The door is opened a few moments later. Lorcan stands in a ratty t-shirt and rugby shorts, one hand on the doorframe and one on the doorknob. “Hi.” 

Elide grins and rests her hand on Lorcan’s arm, “Hey. Can I come in?” 

Lorcan nods mutely and steps out of the way. She lets Elide in and closes the door. The petite woman hangs up her jacket and toes off her shoes. When she stands back up, Lorcan wraps her in a long, tight hug. Elide melts against her girlfriend and slides her arms around Lorcan’s broad shoulders. 

She slides a hand through the loose hair at the back of Lorcan’s head and the other soothes circles between Lorcan’s shoulder blades. “Honey, I’m here. I’m right here.” 

Lorcan nods again, “I know. Thank you for coming.” She drops her hands to the backs of Elide’s knees and easily picks her up. Lorcan wraps her girl’s soft, warm thighs around her waist. Elide smiles. 

Lorcan walks them into her room and doesn’t turn on the lights. She puts Elide down on her bed and sits down on the edge of the mattress, not knowing how to say what she needs to.

Elide gets up, “I’m going to get changed and go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” 

Lorcan hums and her eyes silently track Elide as she moves around. 

She trades her athletic shirt and scrub pants for a long sleeved skate shirt of Lorcan’s she had cropped and a pair of compression shorts. Her hips swing as she pads into the toilet. Lorcan stretches out on her bed and stares up at the rotating ceiling fan. 

Her father never calls. He never contacts her. 

The last time she saw or heard from him was seven years ago, and the subsequent PTSD episode landed her in the psych ward for a month.

Right now… she’s fine. She’s- she’s fine. 

Since he called her this afternoon, since she heard his low, threatening voice - the voice that haunted her childhood and nightmares - Lorcan’s been in a state of shock. 

_Her phone rang. Not caring to see who it was, Lorcan picked it up and held it to her ear, “‘llo.”_

_“Now, I don’t think that’s how you’re supposed to greet your father, Lorcan.”_

_Her blood ran cold and her heart stuttered to a stop. The report she’d been working on was forgotten. “C-cillian?”_

_He clicked his tongue and she flinched. Her hands began to shake as she remembered what used to happen when he clicked his tongue. Her father clicked his tongue when he was upset, not angry. Whatever punishment he doled out after he clicked his tongue was always worse, because he wouldn’t be blinded by rage._

_No, he was meticulous. Careful._

_“How are you, Lorcan? That mother of yours told me you’d moved to Perranth. She tells me you have a girlfriend, too.”_

_Still shaking, Lorcan asked, “You… you talked to my mom?”_ He knows about Elide.

_“Sure did. You know, I was almost certain that you knew about my house in Perranth. It hurt that you didn’t ask to rent from me.”_

_“Why can’t you leave me alone,” Lorcan whispered, trying to block out the memories and flashbacks his voice triggered. “I don’t want anything from you.”_

_“Now, I know I’ve been gone for a while, but I am your father. I deserve the chance to make it up to you.”_

Nothing can ever make up for what you did to me, _Lorcan thought. She closed her eyes and the tears she hadn’t known were forming spilt down her cheeks. “Please,” she said, “just- just leave me be. Leave my mom and the twins be.”_

_Cillian sucked on his teeth, “Don’t be selfish, girl. You were such a difficult child. It hurt me so much to discipline you like that, but I had to. You know that.”_

_“Good-bye, Cillian,” Lorcan said, her entire body trembling. “This conversation is over. If- if you attempt to contact me again, I will file a restraining order.” With strength she didn’t exactly know she had, Lorcan hung up and immediately blocked the number._

“Lorcan?” 

She sits up suddenly, her heart beating quickly. Of course, it’s only Elide, so she relaxes. The mattress dips as Elide crawls back into bed. She rubs Lorcan’s tattoo-marked thigh, where there is hardly any skin left untouched by ink. “Do you want to be under the blankets?” 

“Yes.” 

Lorcan and Elide move so they can lift the duvet and quilts. When they’ve settled, Lorcan rolls onto Elide. She spreads Elide’s legs with a hand to fit flush against her and rests her head on Elide’s tits. 

Elide chuckles softly and scratches Lorcan’s scalp, “You big softy.” 

Lorcan works her arms around Elide’s waist and exhales slowly. 

“Do you want to talk or sleep?” 

“Talk.” 

Elide nods, unseen by Lorcan and kisses the top of her girlfriend’s head, “Ok. You don’t have to.” 

“Yes, I do,” Lorcan responds, unconsciously hugging Elide tighter. “I… I need to.” 

“Ok, honey.” 

It takes a full minute for Lorcan to speak another word. “My… Cillian called me. I was at work.” 

Elide stiffens, her hand stopping in Lorcan’s hair, “Your… your father?” 

A nod. “He talked to my mom, El,” Lorcan whispers, trying not to cry. “He- he knows that I live here. He knows about _you_ .” A shuddering sob escapes her and Lorcan shakes. Her eyes screw shut. “I ca-an’t make him _leave._ ”

In her chest, Elide feels her heart crack in two. She kisses the top of Lorcan’s head and scratches a loop between her shoulder blades. “He’s gone. You’re with me. You’re safe.” 

Lorcan still cries, her grip desperate and greedy. 

Soon, she grows quiet and nudges Elide’s neck with her nose. “I love you, Lee. So much.” 

“I love you too.” 

As she lifts her head, Lorcan searches Elide’s face. She tilts her chin up and kisses the ‘v’ between her brows, and then presses her lips to Elide’s. Just for a moment, nothing but a mere touch. Lorcan rolls them and sits up, pulling Elide’s knees around her hips. Elide squeaks at the sudden movement, and quickly settles, looping her arm around Lorcan’s neck. 

Lorcan clasps her hands around Elide’s waist and stretches her long legs out. She rests her chin on Elide’s shoulder and closes her eyes, “I want to be fine. I-I want to be fine.”

Elide lifts her head, her face directly in front of Lorcan’s, “I know you do.” 

“I’m so tired,” Lorcan whispers, a confession. 

Her girlfriend’s eyes mirror her exhausted, drained state. Her fingers are soft and light as she traces them over Lorcan’s features, “I know that too.” Elide climbs off of Lorcan’s lap and chuckles at her whine of protest. “You baby. Lie down.” 

Lorcan grumbles, but does as she’s told. 

“On your side.” 

Again, she complies. She moves her arms, ready for Elide to slip into them and to hold her close. Instead, Elide slides her arms around Lorcan’s waist, her chest pressing against Lorcan’s back. For a moment, Lorcan stiffens and looks down in silence, sort of confused at the new position. She’s- she’s never been little spoon. Her girlfriends were always shorter than her, and it just made sense. 

Elide kisses the nape of her neck and doesn’t pull away as she asks, “Is this ok?” 

Lorcan carefully eases into Elide’s hold. Their legs move and Elide’s is stretched over her hip. She grips Elide’s thigh and nods, “Yeah. ‘t’s kinda nice.” 

“Kinda?” Elide teases, her grin spreading across Lorcan’s skin. 

A slight, barely-there smile curls Lorcan’s full lips. “I feel safe, Lee.” She takes Elide’s hand and kisses her fingertips, “You make me feel safe.”


End file.
